It’s weird when you don’t know whether to follow your heart or listen to the logical part of yourself. My heart is telling me to do something my brain doesn’t even want me to consider. I will not disclose it even here.. because it’s just “lame.” Lame in a sense that probably everyone would like to have this as a future career. It’s messing with me so much that I’m even considering dropping out of IB, getting a job, changing my schedule completely, and saving up for something my heart wants. It’s so much that I’m not even considering going to college. Who does that? I’m so conflicted. I would totally do it, but I’m self-conscious. I know I’ll be judged if I drop out of IB. Even colleges would judge me after that. I’m just cautious because I’m not even sure that what my heart wants would work out. I’m not sure if I’m in love with the idea or if it’s something I really want to do. My mind tells me what I should do. And my heart tells me what I desire. Is that a bad thing? I mean, because people tell you to follow your heart all the time..you’ll regret it if you don’t.. blah, blah, blah. This is going to bug me until I choose to do something. 

What I should be doing though. Is working on my IOP for English… I hate IB. I only got into it because of my friends. I’m such a follower it hurts. Really. The only decisions I’ve ever made for myself is taking AP classes, taking Orchestra, then Theatre. People were confused on the latter. My friend and I got into dance Freshman year, as in she got in it, then I got in it, too. Then I realized I liked it so I stayed. She didn’t. Ah well. I don’t what I’m trying to say here. Except maybe I should just listen to me and not others.

I’m done with this subject.